Lately I've been feeling sad about being in China during this season. I've been feeling sad about knowing that I won't be able to spend time with my family on Christmas, of course, but I've also been a little bit down because I'm missing out on the specific kind of energy that permeates American life around this time of year. I'm not just talking about the frenetic "MUST BUY THINGS NOW" energy that overwhelms you any time you walk into a mall or department store. That is certainly part of the Christmas season, but not really my favorite part.
What I'm missing is something else--a certain kind of energy I'm having a hard time describing. It's a kind of crackling in the air that I associate with absolute possibility. School is out. Offices are closed. Finally, you can do all those things you've been putting off doing, or you can take the time to lounge around in pajama pants all day, should you so desire. You finally have the chance to connect with people you haven't seen in awhile. There is the possibility that you may find yourself stranded inside your home for a day or two thanks to snowstorms, but it is okay, because you don't have the heavy weight of work and responibility hanging over your head, if only for a couple of days. It is freedom, and excitement, and hope for a crisp, clean blanket of snow over everything, at least for a little while.
I'm still not getting at it exactly, but whatever it is, I still miss it. I've been feeling lately like this energy simply doesn't exist in China in this season.
That is, until last night. Last night we were invited to the home of some friends to sing Christmas carols and drink hot beverages. After noshing and drinking and singing and chatting for a few hours, we ventured back out into the night. When we walked out of thier apartment building into the crisp night air, it was snowing! The first snow this season in Tianjin! There was something about the snow blanketing the city, muffling the sounds of cars and people, covering all the dirty grayness that surrounds us every day with a clean fresh coat, that made me feel a little charge of that energy that I associate with this season back home.
Today, everything is covered in snow, and there is a cold northern wind blowing across the city. I have several appointments that I should be attending to today, but I just made a couple phone calls and cancelled them all. Today, I'm going to spend time doing the things I want to do but don't usually have time for. I'm going to sit around in my pajama pants all day, because I so desire. I'm going to be free of work and study, if only for this afternoon. It may not be home, but it is a little taste of that energy I've been longing for.
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